As I Bloom
by windsoffortune
Summary: [Complete ] AU Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can’t help but fall in love with this mysterious customer
1. Kaoru's first

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?  
  
AN: My first RK fic. ^^ Please review, I love reviews. Haha, who doesn't? Umm, let's see, the story starts off from the beginning when Kaoru doesn't know ken's wife is dead. And this is the first time I'm writing it muchos first person, so still playing around with this style. Anyway, read and enjoy.  
  
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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.  
  
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As I Bloom  
Winds of Fortune  
  
Chapter 1  
  
The white petals whispered over one another, their soft velvety surface glistened lightly from small droplets of water. They were a beautiful bunch, all gentle leaves and half closed buds. I sighed, gently wrapping the bouquet and tying it with a ribbon. They were beautiful, flawless, so pure, so full of life, so much the opposite of you. And right on queue, the bells to the shop rang.  
  
I didn't have to look up to know who it was. You were here everyday, promptly at closing time, to pick up your white roses. Who you gave them to, I had no idea. Everyday of the year, rain or shine, all major holidays included, you showed up, decked out in a black suit, ready to receive the dozen roses from me.  
  
You nodded politely at me, pulling out your wallet as you walked up to the counter. It was the same routine everyday. I bowed lightly, pushing the bouquet toward you as I receive your money. "Himura san, how do you do today?" I trained my eyes on the money, pulling out the register to get you your change. I was almost afraid to look at you. You were handsome, almost to the point of being beautiful. But even though I did not know how to read emotions I could see that beneath your violet eyes lay something dark and mournful.  
  
"Today is just the same as yesterday and the day before," you said, not meaning for it to be rude, but just being vague as you always were, "Full of surprises yet nothings changed." You leaned an arm against the counter, the flowers lying before you as you watched me with your hooded eyes. I busied myself, clearing up the shop, checking all the locks and windows.  
  
"We did not have many costumers today. The man from last time, the one who called in ordering a hundred yellow roses, called again. He wants another hundred, pink this time, and hand delivered like the yellow ones." I said, locking up the shop. It was the same everyday. You would come in, pay for the roses and watch me as I closed up the store. And after you had walked me out, after I had made sure everything was secure, you would depart, going off on your own somewhere, probably to give your special person the roses.  
  
"The receiver of the roses," you murmured lightly, "is unfortunate to live under such a tyrannical husband."  
  
I chuckled, "If the husband calls back this time demanding to know who sent the flowers, I don't know what we'll do. Probably refuse to deliver roses to that house every again." You did not realize how much you were affecting me, just standing there and watching. I felt the pressure of your eyes, mostly hidden behind your red hair, and hurried to the door. You followed, pausing outside with me as I turned the key, locking down the store.  
  
"And your brother, how is he doing?"  
  
I nodded, an affectionate smile gracing my lips without me noticing. "Yahiko's doing much better. They said it was fortunate the cancer was discovered so early."  
  
You smiled, "I'm glad to hear that." Turning away, you bowed again this time in farewell.  
  
"Wait," I said, reaching out and snatching your sleeve. "And you? Do you have a brother? You never talk about yourself." I said it sadly, like I felt put out, which I did. Perhaps you heard the disappointed note in my voice, as you answered me for once, with an answer that was not vague.  
  
"I have a brother in law, Enishi. He is in graduate school right now." You tugged your sleeve out of my grasp, smiling before you turned and left me standing there, feeling just a little stupid.  
  
So you had a wife.  
  
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I don't know what I had expected. Of course a man such as yourself would have a wife. Besides, who else would you be buying the roses for? Your wife is lucky to have you, I thought bitterly. You were obviously very dedicated to her as you showed up everyday without fail to buy her white roses. You were definitely well off to be able to afford the flowers, as the bill must add up to quite a lot. This meant you were not only successful and handsome, but very much in love.  
  
"Kamiya san, you are not talking much today."  
  
I quickly eased a smile onto my face. "Himura san, I'm sorry, I was distracted." I shoved his change into his hands along with the crisp new roses, sorry that I had expected too much. I was a fool for admiring such a handsome man. Of course such a man would be taken. Of course the white roses were for someone special. How stupid of me, I thought, wanting to laugh out loud at my silliness.  
  
"Himura san, I hope your wife will enjoy the roses," I said.  
  
You smiled back at me, "I am sure that she will."  
  
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"Yo, Jou chan!"  
  
I turned in surprise as the tall lanky man sauntered into the shop. "Sanosuke! Wow! What brings you into my measly shop? And I see your hair is as atrocious as ever."  
  
He grumbled in complaint, reaching up to check his insanely spiked hair.  
  
I grinned, "You're bad influence. Now I have to see Yahiko with that hair everyday."  
  
He laughed heartily. "Jou chan, I actually do have a reason for visiting your 'measly shop.'"  
  
"I knew it!" I cried out, pumping my fist into the air. "You never visit unless you need something." I said it with a fond note in my voice. He was a really close family friend whom I would never mind a visit from. "It wouldn't be for Megumi, now, would it?"  
  
He coughed embarrassingly, "What are you talking about, missy?"  
  
I stuck out my tongue at him, and leaned on the counter. "So what have you got in mind?"  
  
He glanced around the shop and then strode over to look into the giant fridge. Looking at me, he pointed into the cooler. "Those look nice."  
  
I walked over to peer in with him. Shaking my head lightly, I laughed. "Sorry, those are taken. And I don't know how much she'd like white flowers, y'know?"  
  
He sighed, "But they look nice. Flowers are flowers, who cares what color they are anyway?"  
  
The bells to the store rang lightly, and I didn't have to look up to know it was you. "Himura san!" I exclaimed, bowing to you in greeting.  
  
You're eyes smile, and you nod as well. I hurriedly pushed Sanosuke aside, opening the door to the fridge to retrieve your dozen white roses. Sanosuke scowled at you, helping me close the door. "So this is the man who stole my flowers."  
  
You turned in innocent surprise at the tall man. "Oro?"  
  
My eyes widened, and I almost dropped the flowers. "You said 'oro!'" Laughing delightfully, I deposited the roses in your arms. "That's.. that's just adorable!"  
  
"Jou chan, you don't tell a guy he sounds adorable. That's never a compliment." Sanosuke scolded.  
  
Your eyes spun from Sanosuke to me, a confused look on your face. "Sir, I stole your flowers?" You asked uncertainly.  
  
"No," I said, retreating behind the counter of the shop, "Don't you mind Sano, he's just being stupid." Turning to the spikey haired man, I ordered, "Now pick some other flowers, Sano. There are good looking ones, don't go moping for what you can't have."  
  
You smile again, noting the light teasing between the other male costumer and me. "You two are friends?"  
  
I slapped a hand to my forehead, "Introductions! I forgot introductions. Sano, this is Himura Kenshin. Himura san, this is Sagara Sanosuke. And yes, Sano is a family friend. Himura san is my old time customer."  
  
You nod and hand me a few bills, a smile glued on your face as usual. "It is nice to meet you, Sagara san."  
  
Sano grunted in reply, "Yea, nice to meet you. Oey, Jou chan, just grab me some boring ol' roses and let me get out of here."  
  
I hand him some good old fashioned red roses and waved off the money he tried to hand me. "Are you out of your mind? You think I'm going to let you pay for that?"  
  
Laughing good naturedly, Sanosuke ducked out of the shop, waving a hand in thanks. I turned back to you. "Sanosuke's a good guy."  
  
"It is nice of you to give him the roses like that," you murmured, waiting for me to leave the store.  
  
"Are you kidding? That guy, he's always free loading. But he finds ways to pay me back for things." I smiled, appreciatively. "He's a good guy," I repeated. I slipped the key into the lock and close down the store for the day. You walked alongside me as we headed down the streets.  
  
"Kamiya san.. likes him?" You asked.  
  
I gaped at you before laughing lightly, patting your shoulder in my amusement. Your suit was light to my touch, soft and silky. "No," I said, resting my hand on your arm, "Sano is like a brother to me."  
  
You smiled and covered my hand with one of yours. "It is good to have family."  
  
Yes, it is.  
  
I smile.  
  
Your hand slipped away slowly. Your lips moved as you said your goodbyes, but I forgot what you said. All I could really think was that you cared. If you asked me whether I liked Sano or not, then that must mean something. I shouldn't hope for you to like me, but I can't help but want that.  
  
I watched your retreating back and I still remembered the touch of your suit, the warmth of your hand.  
  
I can't help but like you.  
  
:End Chapter 1:  
  
AN: Like? No like? 


	2. Kenshin's first

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?  
  
AN: I lied in my first chapter. This isn't my first RK fanfic, I forgot about the one shot I wrote a couple weeks ago. ^^;; Ooops. It totally slipped my mind. So yes, this is my second RK fanfic. I was so shocked to see all the reviews I got for the story! Wow! Thanks, you guys, all those reviews made me decide to write this second chapter in a jiffy. =P  
  
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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.  
  
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As I Bloom  
Winds of Fortune  
  
Chapter 2  
  
I was never one to drink, and I'd always disliked the taste of sake. I dealt with pain a whole different way. Dealing with pain was hard enough, but it was the guilt that drove me mad in the end. Certainly no one as perfect as Tomoe deserved to die so young. And her death must have been caused by me, as her brother used to always say.  
  
It wasn't until ten months after her death that I finally dragged myself out of my pitiful position and picked life back up again. I still remember that day when I finally returned to the apartment kept for me, showered, and dressed in a suit again. I felt like filth wearing such fine material. Feeling the suffocation of the apartment, the little reminders of Tomoe, I left in search of.. something new.  
  
What I found was you.  
  
I saw you in the window of the shop, all decked out in simple shirt and jeans. You were watering the many potted plants, eyes concentrating on their leafy arms, hands steadily pouring out the stream of water. Your hair was blue-black, swept up in a ponytail and I thought you were beautiful.  
  
But it wasn't your beauty that caught my eye, it was something else. Something that I still don't know what.  
  
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My feet guided themselves, my mind wandered as well. The two didn't cooperate, each going in their own direction. While my feet took me north, my mind was wandering south where home was. Finally, I stopped. I didn't know where I stopped, but my feet were in a world of their own, and I could do no more to control them than I could my mind.  
  
Tomoe.  
  
I turned to look listlessly into the shop to my right. Roughly, I brushed my long hair out of my face, and stared with unseeing eyes at the shop full of flowers and plants. And that was when I saw you.  
  
Tomoe.  
  
It couldn't be, because the two of you looked nothing alike. But my eyes roamed over your face and all I could think was Tomoe. What was it? Was it your eyes? No, because Tomoe's eyes were a deep brown. Your hair? No. Then what?  
  
My heart stopped, my breathing stopped, and I blinked in vague surprise at your lovely face.  
  
You turned, jumping slightly to find some stranger standing outside your shop, staring so boldly at you. But you smiled nonetheless, a little nervously, but surely. "Welcome! How may I help you, sir?"  
  
Breath.  
  
I drew a deep breath, and quickly pushed my hair back again.  
  
Think.  
  
"Uh.. I'd like to buy," my eyes fell on some flowers, "roses."  
  
You nodded, extending a hand to gesture me into the quaint shop. "Please, come in sir. What color roses would you like?"  
  
My wife had only died ten months ago. I have only just managed to get over the guilt of her death today. I felt like I was cheating on my wife. "A dozen roses," I said stupidly. Well, it was about time I visited Tomoe's grave.  
  
"Yes," you nodded patiently, speaking slowly as though I were a child, "what color would you like, sir?"  
  
I blinked, and let my eyes wander till I found some roses. "Those are good, white roses." Tomoe liked white. White is a good color.  
  
"Ah, well, I have a bouquet right here if you'd like to buy it today, sir."  
  
I found myself smiling into your kind face. I couldn't help but pull out some money. "That would be good."  
  
White stood for purity and innocence.  
  
White was forgiveness.  
  
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I was surprised to see him there.  
  
He stood tall, with his white white hair and small glasses. Tomoe always said those glasses did nothing but make him look cool.  
  
Yukishiro Enishi half turned toward me, a scowl already in place. I don't think I've ever seen that man smile, or perhaps he just never found a reason to smile at me.  
  
He sneered now, his lips pulling back in disgust at the sight of me. "So you have come as well. Do you come everyday?" He gestured at the roses I had placed there the day before, "What is this? Some attempt to feel better about murdering my sister?"  
  
My heart clenched. "Enishi," I began.  
  
"Shut up, I don't want to hear it." He turned back to the grave with Tomoe's name engraved in the thick stone. Himura Tomoe. I sighed, and put the flowers I bought today down beside his own brilliantly colored bouquet.  
  
We stood side by side as the sky began to turn orange and red.  
  
"You didn't deserve her."  
  
I know.  
  
My eyes closed and I breathed in the warm air.  
  
I know.  
  
"You don't deserve anything." Enishi turned his cold stare to me. "You aren't good enough."  
  
He spun on his heel and walked away briskly, as though he could no longer stand my presence. .  
  
"No," I murmured, "I'm not."  
  
But it doesn't mean I didn't love her.  
  
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"Himura san," you said, full of good cheer, "How was your day?"  
  
I smiled contently, "It has been good." Good that now I have seen you. I looked down at the roses in my arms. I don't know what I'm thinking.  
  
"I am so tired today," you sighed, "and I haven't even done anything! I feel so lazy."  
  
I nodded, watching you clear off the counter and put supplies away. You were always so open, telling me everything that was on your mind. You trusted me before I even learned to trust you. I'd wondered before why I continue to come back to your store. Perhaps it was a way of punishing myself. I would come buy flowers from a beautiful girl and then go to the grave of my beautiful wife. It was almost like a ritual.  
  
"You know, sometimes I feel like I can just go to sleep and never wake up. Sometimes, I just want to drop everything and lie down. But I'm afraid that if I do, I'll lose everything I have now. It feels like.. like my life is slipping through my grasp, and I can't do anything about it, so I have to keep my eyes wide open or I'll miss it." You laughed and walked out of the store, "I'm being silly, aren't I?"  
  
I watched you lock the door before shaking my head lightly. "No, that is not a silly thing to think."  
  
I feel the same way.  
  
My hand came up and brushed at the hair in your face, involuntarily. I could feel their silkiness between my fingers as you blinked your large blue eyes at me in surprise.  
  
Tomoe, my mind told me. It was a constant reminder of her.  
  
I let your hair slip through my fingers, and pushed back all thoughts of kissing you.  
  
"Forgive me," I said, backing away from you, "I should be on my way."  
  
You gaped at me without speaking, so I bowed and turned to leave. "Good day, Kamiya san."  
  
As I walked away, I heard your soft whisper, "Good day, Himura san."  
  
Perhaps, I should not come to see you again. Perhaps I should never go back to that store to buy flowers. But my heart is weak, and I know that tomorrow at this time, I will be by your side again.  
  
Tomoe. Will she forgive me for this?  
  
I can't help but like you.  
  
:End Chapter 2:  
  
AN: o.O It's haard writing with Kenshin's mindset, I think I'll just stick to Kaoru's. =P Thank you to all my reviewers!  
  
Wistful-Eyes – you guessed right, and thx for complimenting my writing. I feel so loved. ^^  
  
Kitsune KeNsHiN – Wow!! The first time someone said my summary attracted them to the story! I suck at summaries, so I'm glad! Thank you!  
  
Aryana1 – firstly, sorry! I don't know what story you're talking about. I haven't read any like that, but I'll try to help you look for one like that. Secondly, thx for adding me to fav!  
  
Nigihayami Haruko - *jaw drops* reading ur review was hecka cool. I need to go check out ur stories cuz u write well! Thanks!  
  
Himura Kamiya Kaoru – wow, adding me to favorite stories after only one chapter? I feel so honored. But that scares me too, I'm afraid that my story won't be good as I continue -_-. Haha, and it was ur pushing that made me write this chapter so quickly! thx  
  
Dusty Pens – Haha, thank you! WoW, I'm so glad u don't think my writing is bad. And thx for the advice, I'll try to add more emotion to them. Yea, I guess things are pretty dead pan right now. Thx for ur suggestion! I'm trying to use it right now. *grin*  
  
Alli – alas, I lied, this isn't my first fic. Sorry! My one shot totally slipped my mind. But thx for the comment. ^^  
  
Goldmund/ do/Kagura/The evil witch/ Erisu L. /Usagi Tuskino/MZ. AMbER EYES – Wow, thank you guys for ur reviews. I'm so glad u guys found it cute and all. *Grin* and thx for saying that I kept their charm and personality, cuz I did try. =P Thank you!! You guys rock.  
  
Silent Tears of Agony – Thx for being my first reviewer!! *grin* and I'll remember. Hope u enjoyed the second chapter. 


	3. My name

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?  
  
AN: Ugh, the onslaught of SATs and APs are weighing me down. I was thinking of alternating between kenshin and kaoru point of view. We'll see how that works out. There's one quote in here about not letting the past dictate who you are, that's from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Hmm, and Kaoru will find out Kenshin's not really married next chapter. ^^  
  
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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.  
  
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As I Bloom  
Winds of Fortune  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"I don't care." I scowled at the phone in my hand as my brother ranted loudly into my ear.  
  
You walked in the store, but I was too busy listening to notice. "Listen, Yahiko," I exploded quite suddenly, "I am NOT going to go buy you whatever the hell you want just 'cause you have a stupid craving. I'm working right now! You deal with it! You're not pregnant! You've only got cancer! Ungrateful idiot!" I added for good measure before slamming the phone down.  
  
I jumped almost immediately, seeing your smiling face appear out of nowhere.  
  
With your normal politeness you reprimanded, "Kamiya san, that is no way to treat your sick brother."  
  
"Himura san," I complained lightly, "you won't believe what my ungrateful brat of a brother does. You've only heard the good side of him because I'm such a nice person! And look at all he puts me through."  
  
Your eyes twinkled with amusement. "I would love to meet your brother one day."  
  
"You will!" I exclaimed, "He's great! Except for the fact that he constantly calls me 'ugly.'" Pulling out the cash register, I continued mumbling to myself. The stupid jerk, if Yahiko called me one more time starting off the conversation with a "Hey, Ugly!" I'd smash his head in when I find the time.  
  
"Then he is a fool to say that to one of the most beautiful people I know." You murmured.  
  
I grinned upon hearing your words, for I could have said the same to you. Even though I knew you were just being polite, I couldn't help but feel giddy inside. "Thank you."  
  
Someday, I thought, I'd bring this Himura Kenshin to meet my family. You seemed so alone at times, I'd wondered whatever became of your wife. Perhaps she is ungrateful and takes you for granted. Perhaps she doesn't love you as you love her. Perhaps she doesn't love you and appreciate you as I do.  
  
My hands slipped on the change I was handing back and the silver pieces clattered to the floor. "I am so sorry," I stammered. I could not believe what my mind was conjuring. I must be mad I thought. I must be mad to love you if I could never have you. And certainly I didn't love you.  
  
Laughing unsteadily, I closed up the store quickly. I wanted out of your presence. My mind told me things it should not have. "Kamiya san," your hands shot out to steady my own as I try desperately to shove my keys into the lock, "be careful. Is something wrong?"  
  
Nothing except that I am suddenly and hopelessly falling in love with you.  
  
"Nothing!" I smiled quickly as I tried to meet your purple eyes. I settled for staring at the peculiar scar on your cheek. I remembered the time when I first asked you about it. Staring at the X shaped scar, I took a deep breath. "Nothing is wrong."  
  
Nothing is wrong because at the least, you care about me.  
  
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They were on your left cheek, a large screaming imperfection on your otherwise perfect face. They lay beneath your high cheekbones, under your darkened eyes that lay shadowed by your lined eyebrow. Like trophies or rewards, they stood so blatantly upon the paleness of your skin.  
  
I wanted to trace them with a finger, to feel their roughness beneath my skin. I wanted to understand something I couldn't. Who are you? Why do you come? Where do you go?  
  
Who are you? Himura Kenshin.  
  
Your eyes stare inquiringly into mine, a hint of embarrassment in them as you realize I had been looking at your scar. I avert my gaze, not meaning to stare, not meaning to humiliate. "Himura san," I began.  
  
Where did you get that scar?  
  
But I was too ashamed to say that outright. "I – I have a brother." I said instead, bringing up the only thing that came into mind.  
  
You look vaguely interested. "Is that so?" You asked politely.  
  
"Yes, his name is Yahiko. He's.. he's wonderful. I hope he grows up well. Sometimes I feel like his mother." I laughed lightly, trying to sound delicate.  
  
Who did that to your face?  
  
I couldn't bring myself to ask.  
  
"But, then where is your mother?" You sounded concerned.  
  
I smiled. You were such a caring man, so worried about others. "My parents both passed away. Yahiko, he was adopted. But to me, he is family. And family is all that matters." I couldn't believe how much I was sharing with you. Nobody knew that Yahiko was adopted. Not Misao or Aoshi, certainly not Hajime and Tokio, nor the rest of the "crew."  
  
But you were such an easy man to talk to.  
  
I could only hope that one day, you found me as easy to talk to as well.  
  
"Himura san," I began again, determined to ask the question that had plagued my mind since I'd first met you. "Where did you get your scar?"  
  
You were silent for a time, and I quickly began to apologize. I didn't mean to butt into your business. But you raised a light hand to silence me.  
  
And finally, you answered me, a sad smile playing across your lips.  
  
"I got it from love."  
  
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Your eyes were a beautiful deep violet. So calm and peaceful. My breath caught.  
  
"Kamiya san?" You asked, concern laced in your tenor voice.  
  
I loved your voice, your eyes, your hair, your hands. I couldn't make myself look away. Midway through finishing your bouquet, my hands froze in place and I could only gape at you helplessly. You were beautiful.  
  
"Kamiya san," You said, the concern weaving its way to your eyes. You reached forward, bringing me out of my revere, and causing me to jerk back quickly. Your hand came to a stop, its fingers still outstretched towards me.  
  
Kenshin.  
  
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and opening them again, slowly. You curled your fingers back in, an edge of sadness in your eyes. I wanted to cry all of a sudden, because I loved you so much but you were already married. I brought a hand up and grabbed yours.  
  
You stared at me, but I could not see. My eyes stared down at the white roses for your wife. The roses that were for your loved one. I wanted to cry.  
  
"Call me Kaoru," I said.  
  
I don't know if you understood everything that I realized at that time, but you nodded slowly and let me hold your hand.  
  
"Call me Kenshin."  
  
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"Kenshin," I began our daily rituals, delighting in the sound of your name, "how was your day?"  
  
"Uneventful, but full of thoughts," you said. "I feel as though I am living in the past. I spoke with Enishi again today." You shook your head, "Every time we talk, I feel as though he were an angry lion, ready to rip off my head."  
  
I blinked, processing the first real tidbit of information you'd ever given me. "But, he is your brother in law! Why does he hate you?"  
  
Your hands brushed over the roses that lay between us. "Because he says that I have taken his sister from him." You smiled at me, "but that is not the point."  
  
You were talking to me, as though you wanted to say something to me. I felt like everything I had wanted to say to you before fell away. You were the present, and that was all that mattered. I leaned closer to you, intent on soaking in every word you said.  
  
"I never really told you about myself."  
  
"No," I breathed, "you haven't."  
  
"Well, one must start off somewhere. I was orphaned as a youth, so I never knew my family. My teacher adopted me, raising me as his own. Life was not always easy, and though I loved the man as I would my father, I ran away at age fourteen. I was young and naive and I regret that mistake I made in life."  
  
You were silent again, calmly watching the white roses between us. I wanted you to go on. I yearned to hear more. This was what I had wanted all along, for us to be able to talk with one another.  
  
"But that wasn't my only mistake. I ran away from the only place I could call home, and went off to make more mistakes."  
  
It suddenly dawned on me how symbolic the roses were. That bouquet that lay between us, so pure and innocent, was the one thing that kept us apart. For a moment, the world fell away, and I could almost imagine your wife, standing between, holding each of us back from one another. And then reality came back, and I nodded for you to go on. Whatever mistakes you made, I wanted to learn about them.  
  
"I married a wonderful woman, but I was such a fool." Your hand reached up to trace the crossed scars on your cheek, "I am such a fool, Kaoru. I have ruined my life."  
  
I felt like reaching out to you, holding you in my arms and fighting off all the evil in the world for you. This was where your anguish came from. This was where the pools of sadness lay. You spoke so little of your life. And even now, I had only a vague outline of what happened. I wanted to cry for you.  
  
"Because of your past?" I asked quietly, softly, coaxingly.  
  
You're fiery red head nodded. Violet eyes sparked with amber searched my own sapphire ones.  
  
"Don't let the past dictate who you are, let it be a part of who you will become."  
  
In the silence, I could hear the pulse of my blood in my temples. I could hear your soft breathing. I could feel the eyes that bore into mine.  
  
A soft touch, a hesitant hand.  
  
And as much as I wanted to kiss you, I let my eyes fall on those white roses. Your warm palm rested against my cheek, and I leaned into it for a moment, before pulling away.  
  
White stood for purity and innocence.  
  
But white was mourning as well.  
  
------------------------  
  
"Kaoru!"  
  
I winced, yanking the phone a good feet away from my bruised ear. "Will you keep your voice down??"  
  
"What's weasel face want now?"  
  
I shrugged at Yahiko who lay in the hospital bed, a teasing grin locked in place on his face.  
  
"Tell Yahiko I can hear what he's saying," Misao's voice cackled through the phoneline.  
  
"I can hear what you're saying too." He retorted, "You're too damn loud!"  
  
I rolled my eyes. The kid was more and more like Sanosuke with each passing day.  
  
"Okay!" I held up a hand, "Kids, lets not argue now." I turned to the telephone, "Misao, what do you want?"  
  
"Kaoru, I need you to come to the movies with me."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
"Like.. around seven. Be there or be square!"  
  
"Be where?"  
  
"Y'kno what, I'll just pick you up. Be ready! And dress nice."  
  
"Wait, Misao! You can't just tell me to go to the movies with you like that! What if I'm busy?"  
  
"Are you?" She questioned.  
  
Okay, so I'm not busy. So I don't have a boyfriend like she practically does. I groaned, "All right, I'll go. Seven, dress nice, be ready, got it!"  
  
"I knew you'd do it!" I could practically hear her grin before she hung up on me.  
  
Looking down at my watch, it blinked with a six o'clock. "Yahiko," I said to the boy propped up in the hospital bed, "I've gotta go now."  
  
"What? To go hang with weasel girl? Am I not important enough? I'm the sick on here! Hey, Ugly! Don't go!"  
  
I slapped a hand on my face in exasperation. They were all like kids.. like little squalling kids. "Call me 'Ugly' one more time and you'll be glad you're in the hospital. At least they can stop the pain faster."  
  
I stuck my tongue out at the suddenly very quiet Yahiko. "See you tomorrow kid!"  
  
This was life. Being with my friends, hanging out all the time, arguing twenty-four-seven.  
  
This was life without you.  
  
I sighed and moved on. Kenshin, if you're a fool, what does that make me?  
  
:End Chapter 3:  
  
AN: movies!! Wheee!! =P  
  
Silent Tears of Agony / Kitsune KeNsHiN / MZ.AMbER EYES / gaby (hyatt / Mafaldyna / The evil witch / yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds / Yawarako / rain angst / are-en1 / GranolaBar - Erm, WOW! Thx for all the support. Erm, lets see, for ppl hating on me for the Tomoe comment, MWAHAHAHA. Haha, sorry, that's just me. I figured Kenshin really loves Tomoe, and thus he must see an essence to Kaoru that would remind him of her. =P Haha, okay, so no more! Tomoe dies.. cuz.. haha, I don't kno yet. But I'm sure I'll figure it out sometime and tell u guys. Oh, and because u guys happen to like my portrayal of Kenshin, I'll continue to write in his POV in the future. ^^ And I must AWW at ur comments on my writing. Cuz that makes me feel soooo sooo good. You have no idea! I love it! You guys are fantastic. Sorry this update was a lil slow. -_- I'm being overloaded on school stuff. Yes, Real Life, it sometimes grabs hold of u and won't let u escape into the computer.  
  
Nigihayami Haruko – OMG! I love ur reviews! It's like reading some poetic thingy that analyzes my writing and makes me sound like I really do write well. Thank you! And you'll find out about Tomoe's death later on. =P Enishi has a tiny part in this, but not that much. I'm mainly focusing on Kaoru and Kenshin. ^^ thx for giving me all those really nice comments on my writing.  
  
Wistful-Eyes / tintin-chan / gwkitty – thx for making me ur fav list (wistful), and ur awesome comment on my tomoe/Kaoru thing. *grin* I'm so glad that when I write in their pov's you guys can actually feel what they feel. Cuz that's what I'm going for. I'm so happy, did I mention I love it when ppl love my writing? Haha, keep reviewing and I'll somehow figure out what to write in this chapters. ^^  
  
Himura Kamiya Kaoru – Haha, ur hilarious! A bakery and a flower shop? It's a good dream, and it could work. To tell u the truth, I wanted to own a flower shop too. Haha, I tried the two POVs in one chapter thing before and ppl told me it was too confusing. But I'll definitely try that once at for u sometime later. ^^  
  
Falling – Kaoru will find out that Kenshin isn't really married next chapter. That's the movie thing. Except you guys don't kno that yet. =P Kenshin is a hard mindset, I guess its because ppl can't really relate to being a silent assassin who regrets what he's done in life. I mean, most of us don't kill tons of ppl as a living.. right?  
  
Kenkaya – o.O thank you. Ur review reminded me of Nigihayami Haruko's What can I say, I love reviews like urs. I thought about the Kaoru bringing kenshin into her circle of friends thing, and then I figured its easier to do what I planned to do next chapter. You'll see. ^^ Enishi is going to be a small villain in this story. At first, I was going to have to play a big part in it, but then I wanted to focus on the developing relationship between Kaoru and Kenshin. I figured Enishi would be too distracting a character. But it seems ppl want him to play a bigger part in here, so I'll play around with that idea. 


	4. First Green

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?  
  
AN: I'm done with AP testing! Finally! I'm so happy. And my brother is coming back from college this week. Yay, haven't seen my bro in a while. Anyway, this chapter is this chapter. What can I say? It's kind of confusing. There's no real time sequence to these things. I'm trying to create an almost dreamlike state whenever it's just Kaoru and Kenshin. And when they're with other people, you realize that they're real people too. =P Hard to explain. And I know it goes kind of slow, but bear with me.   
  
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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.  
  
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As I Bloom  
Winds of Fortune  
  
Chapter 4  
  
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.  
  
Life, emotion, love. It was painful, the existence that had ceased to live. The hunger amounted to no more than the pain. It was physical, emotional. A kind of emotion that affected the body. Guilt. My open eyes saw no more than the glassy eyes of my dead wife. Tomoe. If she should suffer, then I have not a right to live in peace. If she should die, then it is my right, my duty, to live and grieve.  
  
The dirt at my feet seemed no darker than my clothing, my hands, my face. The dust swirled in thick clouds and settled onto my prone figure. Whether it was blood caked on my clothes or pools of dirt, I had forgotten.  
  
It was pain without feeling, life without love. What good did it do for me to sit on the side of a street and starve to death? Tomoe was dead.  
  
At first, I had wanted to die. Existence without her could be no better than death. Death would be my punishment, I thought. I wanted it, embraced it, wished for it. But I knew that death, in the end, was just an escape. Death I did not fear, and it was life that would ultimately be my worst punishment.  
  
My lifeless finger trailed down the side of my cheek, feeling the hardened blood, the gritty dirt, the rough skin of my scar. Love, my mind beat out, it was all my fault.  
  
------------  
  
The phone rang relentlessly, and for a moment, my dead amber eyes refused to see. It was a dream, I said to myself, shaking my head.  
  
It wasn't. It was just the past.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
There was a pause before the familiar deep baritone voice spoke. "Himura." It was a statement, not an inquiry.  
  
"Shinomori san," I said brightly back, forcing good cheer into my deadpan voice.  
  
"Open your door." Another statement, a command.  
  
I opened my door obediently to see the tall man hang up his cell phone.  
  
"I've been knocking for five minutes. What's wrong with you?"  
  
I smiled at him, stepping back to let him into my spacious apartment.  
  
Life. Living. Feeling. Pain. Emotion. Death. Love.  
  
Tomoe.  
  
And then softly, softly, my mind spoke a word as though an answer to a riddle.  
  
Kaoru.  
  
"You look like you've been run over by a truck." Shinomori Aoshi stated, his scrutinizing blue eyes seeing past my smile.  
  
I sighed, dropping my happy-go-lucky look. "I feel like it, that's for sure."  
  
His unwavering gaze stayed on me, studying my mood and accessing my situation. "Let's go," he said finally, throwing a jacket at me. "You need a break from thinking about the past."  
  
The look he gave me spoke volumes more than his words. This tall silent man before me had been with me since a time before Tomoe. I appreciated the reminder of a past before the past, of a future that is yet to come, and of a present that is still clean for me to write out.  
  
"Where am I going, Shinomori san?"  
  
"To the movies."  
  
----------------------  
  
I watched you constantly. There was a kind of comfort I got when I saw you going about your work. You were always so cheerful, so content, so much the opposite of me. I wanted to be like you. But being close to you was enough for me. To feel your presence was enough to bring me my moment's peace. With you, I forgot about the world. When I leave, however, I feel as though I carried the burden of my guilt in those white roses that lay heavy in my arms. Because I should be thinking of Tomoe when I thought of you.  
  
"Kenshin," you said, "today is a wonderful day."  
  
And as I watched your sparkling eyes and easy grin, I felt myself sink deeper into despair.  
  
I am not worthy of you.  
  
----------------------  
  
I don't suppose it was possible for a man to stick out as much as Shinomori did. The sleek Mercedes he arrived in already attracted many a look, and the sharp suit didn't do much to disperse the curious crowd. He was a man who certainly looked his best all the time, and with such a cool demeanor, people flocked to him. It was no wonder he hated public places. Why he decided to suddenly bring this lowly friend of his to the movies was an enigma.  
  
In the midst of t-shirts and jeans, of scanty skirts and tube tops, Shinomori scowled furiously as he handed me the movie tickets. "Four tickets, Shinomori san? We are only two people." I blinked childishly at the tickets he held out to me.  
  
"Some people are joining us."  
  
"Ah- who?" I inquired, inspecting the pieces of paper called tickets. This would be a first time experience at a movie theater for me.  
  
"Misao and her friend."  
  
A slow knowing smile crept on my face. "I had been wondering why we were doing this."  
  
Shinomori watched me expressionlessly. "Meaning?"  
  
"We've never been to the movies before. If we wanted to watch something, we could have seen it in your own private theater. That's why."  
  
"Implying that you think I'm a dog following her every step."  
  
"Implying that I think it's about time you two got together."  
  
He refused to respond.  
  
---------------------  
  
In a world of black and white, one could say that my past was as bleak as the darkest night. And it was for such a modern day standard that I did not want to talk about it. But any normal person would wonder, and so it was your right to ask. I did not resent your curiosity. I embraced your almost childlike innocence. Any other person asking those personal questions that you constantly wonder would not have gotten an answer. But to you, I could only answer in my own vague way.  
  
"What do you do for a living, Himura san?" you asked me, your fingers tying a lovely red ribbon around my flowers.  
  
For a living?  
  
A bitter side of me rose up briefly. Live? I did not live. I did not do much with my pathetic existence except repent for all the wrong I have brought upon others. Living was not something I would call this.  
  
The smile that was constantly forced on my face fell.  
  
I was not alive.  
  
"Himura san," you murmured softly, "forgive me. It was not my place to ask. You do not have to answer." You smiled at me, a sympathetic smile, a sad smile.  
  
I suppressed a sigh at that smile. "I do nothing for a living. I have not a job. I simply live off an inheritance."  
  
"I see."  
  
I watched you as your hand carefully tipped water into each potted plant.  
  
"I had a job once," I finally mentioned.  
  
A job before my wife died.  
  
A job I willing gave up for Tomoe.  
  
You set the watering jug aside, beckoning for me to exit the store so you could lock the door. "I had a job once. I was a teacher's assistant at my father's kendo class."

I breathed more easily, picking up on the tangent you gave me. "Kendo? Do you fight?"  
  
I could not talk about my job now.  
  
"Yes, but I'm afraid I've had to give up that hobby since my father passed away."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
You slid a key into the door, clicking it shut. Turning to me, you bowed lightly. "Have a wonderful day, Himura san."  
  
My hand reached up and cupped your face. I saw the shock in your eyes as they flew to mine. With your warm face cradled in my palm, I took a step closer to you.  
  
"My job," I whispered, leaning close by your ear, "was one that hurt people."  
  
I could feel your rapid pulse under my fingertips, your thick lashes brush against my skin as you blinked, and your shallow breathing.  
  
Perhaps I scared you that day. But in my own way, I just wanted to gain acceptance from you. I wanted you to see me as I was and understand me.  
  
I just wanted you to know that my job was one that I would have willingly given up for you.  
  
--------------------  
  
"By the way, did I mention that I set you up on a blind date?"  
  
"Oro?" I looked aghast at Shinomori. A blind date? The man was crazy. Friend or not, he knew better than to do something such as set me up on a date. "Shinomori san, I believe this is a big mistake." I began slowly.  
  
"I don't think so." He cut me off, his blue eyes staring down at my slightly amber ones. "You've had enough time to grieve."  
  
"Shinomori san, you don't understand." Breath, I told myself. But I could hear the sudden pounding of my blood in my ears. A desperation wound up within me. "I cannot. It is too soon."  
  
In the silence, my mind frantically searched for an escape. He is my friend, I reasoned, he would not do this to me. He would understand.  
  
"Misao is here." He said finally.  
  
My stomach plummeted. Even with my ability to keep my emotions off my face, I knew my desperation was shining well in my eyes. "Shinomori, get me out of here."  
  
"Aoshi!" A shrill voice cried out, and Misao came bounding out of no where to latch onto Shinomori's arm.  
  
Holding his icy gaze in mine, I knew he would not betray me. "Misao," he said in his rumbling voice, "Himura doesn't feel well enough for the movies. I think its best we retire."  
  
"But we just got here!"  
  
Her protest was drowned out by another cry.  
  
"Kenshin?!"  
  
Watching you walk toward us, I felt all the blood rush to my head. Perhaps this would be okay, my mind said weakly.  
  
"Kaoru?" I whispered incredulously.  
  
And even I couldn't stop the genuine smile that spread on my face.

:End Chapter 4:

yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds / Wistful-Eyes / rain angst / MZ.AMbER EYES / miyazawa kano / Regan84 / Kitsune KeNsHiN / Falling / Crystel - grin you guys are awesome. Hmm lets see, you feel the pain! That's fantastic! I'm really glad you're able to connect with the story, and kind of feel what the characters are feeling. Still not sure how Tomoe died. Haha, I should figure that out soon. And Yahiko won't be dying. I was thinking since its early stages of cancer, all he really needs is a surgery to get rid of the tumor.. right? Correct me if I'm wrong. Originally, I wanted it to be a short five chapter story. It got a lil longer than that. So I'm hoping to end it at around ten chapters. But stories always end up longer than you expect, so we'll have to see. Thx for all ur reviews.  
  
RurouniNikkitch13 – You hit it on the dot. I was trying to create a dreamlike state. That's how I tried to write all their interactions.   
  
Gypsy-chan – I'm so sorry about your uncle, and I'm glad you can understand why I made Kenshin think of Kaoru like that at first.  
  
Nigihayami Haruko – Right again, I do feel more comfortable. Reviews boost my confidence by a lot. no worries, I'll always write since I'm getting more reviews than I thought I would. For you guys, I would.  
  
Himura Kamiya Kaoru – Sorry, I'm not into the totally waffy romantic stuff. Haha, I can try, but I suck at writing those things. I think it would kind of ruin the mood I've established too. So I'll have to hold off on the "extreme moments."   
  
the sacred night – "you are my kind of author!" Well what can I say? That's my kind of a review! Thanks, that's one of the greatest compliments I could hope for.  
  
Allegretto – Soo.. instead of studying for ur AP test, you come and review my story? You're too cool. Thanks for muchos nice comments, from u they're always hard to believe cuz u write so well urself!


	5. Seeds of love

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?  
  
AN: I feel really loved. All the reviews pouring in are way more than I had originally expected.  
  
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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.  
  
--------------------------  
  
As I Bloom  
Winds of Fortune  
  
Chapter 5  
  
There are times when I think that I'm two different people. There's the Kaoru that's with you and the Kaoru that is not. I don't know which one of us is fake. It scares me to think that I am fake around you. I am afraid that you should like me, afraid that the "me" you like isn't the real me, afraid that I would change and that that would disappoint you. I just want to be with you.  
  
I want the times we have together to stand still, because with you, I feel like a fairytale has come true and all the world has fallen away for me and you. I don't want us to change. In our secluded world, we are as we are, but.. with other people? I don't want our time together to slip through my fingers. I just want to be with you.  
  
--------------  
  
I was surprised to see you here. When Misao finally decided to share the news about a blind date to me, I almost strangled her. But given that she was the one driving, I wasn't about to kill both of us in a rage. No, I'd wait till her beloved Aoshi could see me rip off her delicate head full of evil scheming.  
  
I was pissed; insulted that she would think she needed to set me up on a date. I was capable of getting a guy on my own! Okay, so I can't exactly cook. And.. I guess I'm not exactly.. nice. I don't have a "great bode" nor do I have a pretty face. I don't have a guy who obviously cares about me like Aoshi does Misao. All I had was an infatuation with a married man. The simple idea of a blind date made all my insecurities resurface.  
  
But suddenly, everything seemed okay because I saw you.  
  
You stood in all your red haired glory, a deadpan look on your face. You didn't look particularly happy at the event of being at the movies. Seeing that smile lit up on your face when you saw me.. it felt like a million bubbles exploded within me. I knew that smile was for me, and only for me.  
  
I knew that perhaps we shared mutual feelings for each other.  
  
Without slowing my step, I walked straight into your embrace. You were so warm and comfortable. "Kenshin," I breathed, "what are you doing here?"  
  
It was like the world stopped for us.  
  
"Kaoru, it is good to see you," you murmured into my ear, your arms gently holding me against you.  
  
It was the first time we had such close contact with one another. It was the first time we held each other, the first time I was able to show my feelings without restraint. It felt so good that it felt wrong.  
  
"Familiar are we?" Misao commented. Aoshi curled an arm around her waist and proceeded to drag her away, but not before she could yell back at us. "Movie's done in two hours! Have fun kiddos!"  
  
For a while, we just stood together, breathing in each others scent, absorbing each others warmth. I wanted to memorize every smell, every feel: the touch of your hair, the smooth skin of your cheek, the smell of light aftershave. There was a kind of relief that built up inside me. I could feel my heart beating at the base of my stomach. I didn't want to move.  
  
And then, like a tape fast forwarding, my mind began functioning again. I was here on a blind date. Instead, my date was you. But..  
  
But you were already married.  
  
Sharply and suddenly, I pushed back away from you.  
  
"Kaoru?" you gasped in confusion as I roughly pushed you away, stumbling out of your grasp.  
  
"You're married!" I managed to choke out.  
  
"Wait –"  
  
You were married! I felt like we were cheating on your wife. It was unethical. Sure we weren't doing anything, but it was wrong all the same. I couldn't believe you. The nerve! To embrace another woman other than your wife. And in public to top it off. You definitely had a death wish. No matter how much I liked you, I wasn't about to let you cheat on your wife. In a way, I was disgusted with myself. I felt all the guilt wash over me like I was sinking in thick warm quicksand. Guilt that I allowed myself to be so close to you. Guilt at being so easily affected by you.   
  
"How could you do such a thing to your wife? I'm on a date and YOU'RE my date. You're married, Kenshin, what is this?" I stomped my foot on the ground in frustration, grounding out my words. "Do you have a bad marriage or something? Trying to escape by getting your friend to hook you up with someone? I – I'm disgusted!"  
  
Blindly turning away from you, I stumbled in any direction that was not towards you.  
  
You're cheating on your wife.  
  
-------------  
  
"My father was a good man," I said, putting your roses together. "He taught kendo. He always said it was a beautiful form of art from the past that should never be allowed to die. He trained me hard to be his successor. I guess he'd always hoped that I had been born a boy so I could do 'mainly' sports with him."  
  
You looked comical in your black suit, helping me water my plants with a colorful watering jug in your hands. Your head looked like it was on fire. The setting sun cast its orange glow into my shop, creating edges of light and shadow on your face.  
  
"Father was always so strict, but he taught me well. Sometimes, though, sometimes I resent him for passing away." My fingers tightened the ribbon at the base of the bouquet before reaching for a pair of scissors. "I can't believe he left me all alone to fend for myself. It sounds silly but.. it's as though I want to blame something and he's all I have to blame." I cut off the tips of the bouquet to even out the stems.  
  
You set the now empty watering jug in its rightful place before taking the finished bouquet from my arms. As we drew out of the shop, you spoke. "No matter how much pain the death of a loved one causes, I believe it is worth all the happiness that person may have brought into your life before."  
  
"Ah – well," I gazed thoughtfully into the distance. "That is true."  
  
--------------  
  
Pushing my way through the crowd, I headed for the huge fountain in front of the movie theater. I wasn't really running away from you, I just needed time to think. But you wouldn't give me time. Your hand closed carefully around my wrist, halting me.  
  
Spinning around angrily, I yanked my arm out of your grasp. "Kenshin, quit following me."  
  
You idiot.  
  
"Kaoru, please listen to me."  
  
"Listen to you justify your actions? I don't think so."  
  
I plopped down on one of the benches around the fountain, determined to wait for Misao to drive me home. Because of your stupidity, I had to miss a movie. You sat down beside me, watching me with your penetrating gaze.  
  
"I told you I was married –"  
  
"Damn right you did." I spat out.  
  
"In a way I was lying –"  
  
"What the heck does 'In a way' mean anyway?" I interjected furiously.  
  
Your fingers closed gently around my mouth, gently but firmly. Shooting you a death glare, I tried in vain to either pull away or pull you away. Struggling wildly didn't do much except force you to hold me in a semi headlock to keep me from getting away from you.  
  
"Kaoru," you spoke quickly, quietly, "I was married once. I married a wonderful woman named Tomoe. She's dead, Kaoru. Tomoe died."  
  
I stopped clawing at your hand abruptly.  
  
I was angry. I was sad. And I was happy.  
  
You were married once.  
  
Should I rejoice because we can be together without wronging anyone?  
  
Should I slap you for keeping this from me, for preventing us from getting together before?  
  
But she passed away.  
  
Should I sympathize with you when you are obviously in pain?  
  
You brought your hand down, but I didn't move. My back was leaning against your chest, and your arms were encircled around my waist. Sitting there on the bench with the water from the fountain trickling, it was as though time stopped yet again.  
  
"Kenshin." I could hear your heart beat in unison with mine. "I'm sorry about your wife."  
  
I wanted to hit you for all the lost time. I wanted to hug you for our new opportunity.  
  
I decided with both. Twisting out of the comfortable position to face you, I slapped you hard across the face. But before that shock registered in your eyes, I had already thrown myself into your embrace again.  
  
I was crying and I didn't know why.  
  
Hesitantly, you patted my back, turning your face into my hair. "Shh," you murmured, "don't cry."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" I sobbed like a child into his shoulder, completely oblivious to the stares we were getting from other movie goers.  
  
It was a long while before you answered with a simple "I don't know," and continued to hold me till my sobs subsided.  
  
I didn't think I could love someone anymore than I did you that moment.  
  
You were such an idiot.  
  
:End Chapter 5:  
  
AN: That was a lot of weirdness going on. O.o I think I could have delivered it better. =P Too lazy.  
  
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Thx to my reviewers:  
  
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allin656 / Laurika / rain angst / MZ.AMbER EYES / kean / Nguardian / Kitsune / Lendra-chan / french peach / Crystel / LYKAchan / VolleyGurly / agaxris – Well.. big thanks to everyone. You guys are too awesome. As for seeing it like a movie, I admit that's how I viewed it. Maybe that's why it's a little confusing, because I just write whatever comes into mind. And stories run like movies in my head. And I love angst, but have never been able to write it, so I'm glad I'm achieving that somewhat depressing scenario. =P Aoshi will show up a bit later on, but not much. He'll mainly be in explanation of Kenshin's past (which I've got figured out – Finally! Wheee).  
  
ShinRa Inc. - sorry for the mistake, I wrote "que" to begin with, but I think it changed it automatically. O.o weird computers.  
  
Wistful-Eyes / Nigihayami Haruko – They say setting is what makes a story. I'd like to think it's the emotional setting. Thx for ur comments. Writing this really affects my mood, so w00t, it does the same for you! I think this fic'll run longer than expected, so hang tight.  
  
Alli – in my other fic, I explained flashbacks and things in my writing. But I felt like it really disrupted the flow of things. Thx for the advice tho.  
  
Eevilfaerie – first person who thought my summary was a turnoff about this story. =P At least you still read it, and that's all that matters.   
  
yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds – truth be told, I don't know what kind of cancer. I don't kno any cancer except for lung cancer. It'd be fantastic if you could offer me some information on .. er cancer. Yea, seems like something I can easily get off the net. But any help is appreciated.  
  
Mizu-Ryuuseisui Inc – I didn't realize there was a movie like this. I did not base this story off anything, so I'm surprised. Wow, I feel kind of bad now that I know this story has a similar plot to a movie. -- Well, I hope you can read it without any biases.  
  
5/16/04 


	6. Early Leaf

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?  
  
AN: READ THIS!! Okay, next two or three chapters are already mapped out. This fic will be ending sooon. Like.. really soon. Eight chapters total is what I'm thinking. Maybe add on an epilogue. My plans for Enishi, Sanosuke, Saito, Yahiko, and others will not come to play. Sorry! I was going to incorporate a whole bunch of stuff into this fic, but then I thought it would ruin the flow. I hadn't planned on ending it so quickly, but it just seems the right timing. The way things are going, it'll make a better ending now than later, I promise! And this chapter is mainly all flashbacks. The first flashback actually occurs after the second two. It's confusing, I know, but just.. think of it like a movie. Also, I changed the rating to PG-13 because of the bloody scenes in this chapter.  
  
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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.  
  
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As I Bloom  
Winds of Fortune  
  
Chapter 6  
  
.  
  
The stench was sickening, overpowering. The room was surprisingly warm for a winter day. Perhaps it was the heat from the cooling body, slowly rising to the air like soft steam. In the dark, from the silver moonlight filtering in, I could see it. The curling wisps were barely visible, but they illuminated the body. It gave her an ethereal appearance. Even in death, she managed to be perfect. And then the blood and its tangy smell. In thickening pools, it seeped across the hardwood floor. I could feel it soaking through my clothes, sticky against my skin.  
  
She looked like she was sleeping, her strangely heavy body leaning against me in an awkward position. A taste of bile flooded into my mouth. Forcing it down, I stood, letting the body fall away, already stiff and stuck in place. I wanted to throw up. It was the first time the sight of a dead body made me sick. But then, it was not everyday I witnessed the death of my wife.  
  
My eyes swept over the body, the blood, the sword. Why did we have a sword? I found it a little amusing. A drop of blood from my face slid down my chin and dropped to the ground. – Drip – She bled a lot. A sword wound certainly bled a lot.  
  
A pounding of soft feet on the floor rang in my ears. Someone was quickly heading this way. Sliding my foot along the floor, I trailed a thick line of blood. The putrid smell rose to my nose again. Who would discover this crime?  
  
For it was a crime, a murder.  
  
There was an insistent knocking on the door before it was knocked down with brute force. Shinomori Aoshi stood, breathing heavily, his breath coming out in little white clouds.  
  
My senses flared. My eyes seemed to pick up every move, every twitch. My nose detected every scent. My ears screamed loudly all the sounds, augmented to ten times their original frequency. – Drip –  
  
"The body," my voice sounded like a gong rung in the middle of a hushed auditorium, echoing off the walls. "I have to get rid of the body."  
  
He stared at me, his breathing slower now. "You mean," he corrected in a low tone, "you have to bury Tomoe." He knelt beside the dead body and cursed quietly. "How long have you been like this? She's already stiff."  
  
I blinked my eyes. In the dark room, Tomoe's pale face looked just as she was a few hours ago. The eerie moonlight that shimmered in through past the blinds only succeeded in confusing my eyes even more. She was alive one moment and then she was dead. I swallowed, looking into the deathly gaze of my wife, my love, my life. My breathing picked up. In and out, it sped up only slightly.  
  
"Yes," my voice hollow, "the body was hard to move. And with all the blood- "  
  
"Himura," Shinomori cut in, "stop it. Stop talking as though it doesn't matter."  
  
- Drip - The pounding of my heart seemed infinitely louder all of a sudden.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
He cursed again and very suddenly, his fist whipped out and caught me square in the jaw. The heavy impact threw me off my feet, sending me skidding along the wooden floor a few feet. The taste of blood in my mouth registered in my head.  
  
Tomoe.  
  
"Shinomori, I-"  
  
A sudden spell of dizziness hit my head. Tomoe's face blurred in my mind.  
  
"-I can't-"  
  
I killed her.  
  
I killed my wife.  
  
My wild eyes fled from her angelic face to my hands, my blood red hands.  
  
She's dead.  
  
Gasping, I could only stare blindly up at Shinomori before my hands clapped over my ears, squeezing and squeezing, willing the memory to go away, trying in vain to crush my own skull.  
  
I ccould never hear her speak again. Never hear her foot steps. Never feel her presence.  
  
My mouth opened and I could only describe the unintelligible sound that escaped as an inhuman howl.  
  
-----------------  
  
The icy water hit my face in a cool wake up call. What was I supposed to feel? Was I angry? Was I relieved? All I could grasp onto was the guilt that pounded through my veins. I wanted to blame someone for.. something. Yet there was nothing to blame. Love was something I never did understand. I loved Tomoe, I thought I did. But how could I love someone else as well?  
  
I rubbed my face furiously in a towel, rubbing away at all the built up emotions. The movie experience could not have been described as a good one. It was a mixture. There were good points, like when you walked straight into my arms and I could feel something solid there, something real for me to cherish and love. It wasn't a ghost that I held but someone who was perfect in everyway. I felt as though I tainted your very presence by simply being with you. And then there were the bad points, like when you accused me of cheating on my wife. Or when I opened my mouth and blabbed about my past job.  
  
"Shinomori," I turned to my constant companion who was resting on my couch. "I don't know what's happening anymore. I don't know what came over me."  
  
He was silent for a long time, carefully sipping the Scotch in his hand. In the silence, I could hear the ticking of the clocks, and all the little noises a house was capable of making. Finally, in his usual cool voice, he told me, "Love has a way of creeping up to you. It's something that just happens. No matter how much you try to deny it, you know it's there. It's an aching, an uncertainty that's always there." He shrugged. "It happens to the best of us."  
  
In the soft under tones, I knew he wasn't talking just about me. He was also talking about himself.  
  
------------------- flashback  
  
My stumbling feet found their own way home. Home. I leaned a heavy head on the door, not wanting to open it. The shock from my meeting still glazed my thinking. It was for my own good, my boss had said. But I could never do it. How could he ask me to do such a thing? They say that to leave a job, you must complete one last task, but sometimes, such a task was too much to ask.  
  
My hand closed around the door knob, turning it and opening it. It was times like these when I noticed certain things. The door was unlocked. The fresh snow at my feet crunched with each step. The house was deadly silent. There was a lack of light that normally seeped under the slit of the doorway.  
  
Something was wrong.  
  
------------------- present  
  
You were beautiful, as always. You shone. It was obvious you were delighted about something. Through the glass windows of your shop, I could see your radiating happiness. Perhaps it was because of yesterday, when we publicly displayed our emotions. Perhaps it was because I was so different in contrast. My hands smoothed down the front of my suit and nervously brushed at my flaming red hair. I wanted to see you, to be beside you.  
  
But I couldn't bring myself to do so.  
  
I backed up to the wall of the shop, leaning against its white painted stone. My violet eyes closed and I breathed in deeply. I could almost smell your hair, the mixture of soft jasmine and spices. I wanted to just hold you and feel your hair between my fingers. It was an aching, Shinomori was right. But to be near you and not be able to see you, speak to you, the temptation seemed all too great. I blew out between my teeth and forced my feet to turn away.  
  
Pushing away from the wall, I pivoted on my heel and slowly, step by step, I made myself leave you behind. It seemed that just yesterday we had crossed a boundary and allowed ourselves to become closer. Yet this simple task of walking away would bring that all down. I could not see you now because of how right you had been the day before. I was cheating on my wife. I pledged my eternal love to her and I could not bring myself to wrong her.  
  
Kaoru..  
  
Sayonara.  
  
And even as I tried to tell myself I'd never see her again. A small corner of my mind spoke softly. "Goodbye for today, at least."  
  
-------------------- flashback  
  
At first, I didn't even see her. She stood still, her hair pillowing her face. Again, the little things jumped to my attention. The deadness of her eyes. The paleness of her kimono in the light. The strange coldness of the room.  
  
"Tomoe," I said, my voice raspy, forced.  
  
She didn't smile like she normally did. She didn't step forward to welcome me home. She just stood and gazed at me, a glassy doll-like stare, her hands tucked neatly behind her.  
  
I stepped into the apartment, clicking the door shut behind me, and slipped out of my shoes. My movements were smooth even as my hands shook. I did not trust myself to move, did not trust myself to speak.  
  
"So, you have come to finish your job." She spoke, her voice eloquent, soft.  
  
I could do no more than look at her.  
  
She took a step toward me, and held a hand out to mine. Letting her hold my hand, I kept my gaze locked with hers. "Kenshin," she whispered, "Do you think I don't know?" Something cold and hard pressed into the palm of my hand.  
  
I couldn't answer her.  
  
She was moving my hand now, with my fingers clamped around the cold object. "Tomoe," I breathed, trailing my eyes down to see what it was she had given me.  
  
It was a sword, an old Japanese sword, pressed there in my hand, long and deadly, cold and shimmering. In shock, I pulled back, pushing her away, forcing her hand away from mine.  
  
"What is this?" I hissed, staring in simmering horror at the worn handle, the shiny blade.  
  
Her hands flew to my face, and she planted a kiss on my lips, a soft feathery kiss. "Did you think I wouldn't know?" She asked again. "Your job, your work? I know what was asked of you today."  
  
"I will never do it, Tomoe, I could never do it."  
  
Her hand slipped down to the sword again. "I know you wouldn't, that is why I wanted to help you."  
  
The pounding in my ears grew louder.  
  
"You-" I couldn't even bring myself to say it, but I knew what she meant. She would kill herself for me. For me, she was willing to sacrifice her life.  
  
Suddenly, with surprising force, her hand grasped my own and plunged the sword towards herself.  
  
I didn't know what happened. One second I was staring into her beautiful face, the other, we were sprawled on the floor, bloodied and torn. My instincts awakened the moment I felt the sword being ripped from my hand, heading for her stomach. Desperately, I tried to yank it back. Desperately I tried to save her life at the expense of my own. The tug of war only worsened the situation. The metal ripped through her, through and up. The force of both of our responses spun the cursed blade, sending it ripping through her arm, spinning it back to slash powerfully against my face.  
  
It happened in seconds. So surely, so quickly, the shock didn't even begin to sink in. The sword lay feet away from where we had sunk on the floor. Her blood had splattered an amazing distance, making the scene appear as chaotic as I felt it was. My hands clamped around her, pulling her close to me as she lay in my lap. The thick blood from her wounds oozed out, bubbling with fervor, warm and liquid.  
  
She was gasping, choking, crying. "Kenshin," she whimpered, her good hand clutching my shirt, smearing blood all over it.  
  
"Tomoe," I cried out urgently, "Tomoe, I wasn't going to kill you. My boss, I wasn't going to do it. I was going to leave it all behind, Tomoe. For you, I was going to stop. I asked them to let me go, to wipe my record clean. I could have started new with you. Why didn't you let me start over?"  
  
She gurgled, coughing and sputtering blood. "Love," she said, "I know what would have happened. They would hunt you down. A job is meant to be done."  
  
My hands clenched around her shoulder. This was my wife. This woman I held in my arms. This woman I'd managed to kill.  
  
She smiled, her beautiful smile. It was always so mysterious, a mixture of all the emotions possible, a smile she rarely ever exhibited. She smiled for me, a last smile.  
  
"Please," she said, "remember that you-"  
  
But I would never know what it was Tomoe wanted to tell me. I would never know what it was I should have remembered. Her words died in her throat, clogged by the blood that flowed like a stream, over and around us.  
  
Tomoe, my mind despaired, I killed you.  
  
:End Chapter 6:  
  
AN: A chapter I am not satisfied with. It's hard to think straight when you're trying to throw a turmoil of confusion together and make it coherent. And things are supposed to slow down and then speed up, like how Kenshin's mind can't seem to forget the little things that happened before, how he just wants to forget the things that happened but can't. Instead, it makes the entire chapter awkward and hard to understand. -- Sorry.  
  
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Nguardian / Laurika / Wistful-Eyes / Yawarako / alex / agaxris / kean / QueenKagom / Lendra-chan / allin656 / animegurl23 / rain angst / Gypsy- chan / Eternal Sunshine / MizzLee / kklover / olivia short / star-crystals / the sacred night / Falling / NARGIEGIRL21 / neo / Kitsune KeNsHiN / LYKAchan – Thanks all for ur great reviews. It seems that everyone's favorite part was the slap/hug. Haha, I enjoyed that myself. I admit, making them hug in public was very.. abrupt, but it's kind of like they've held back from each other for so long that the relief was soo great, their feelings soo strong, they just.. kinda.. walked into each other. Alright, its out of character, sue me, but I thought it was fitting. Cuz they obviously like each other, and it's more like Kaoru hugged him than he hugged kaoru. And strong feelings! Think strong feelings! Blah, here goes me trying to justify what I'm writing, let's just say I wanted to add in a lil fluff and leave it at that. OH, and PLZ don't kill me for the Kenshin walking away part of this chapter. I promise Kaoru and Kenshin will be together, k?  
  
Allegretto / JaZz – Allegretto, you make me feel awesome! Cuz u like the interruptions, I LOVE the interruptions. They're what I enjoy writing. And Jasmine, my dear rose lover, I made flashbacks easier to figure out this chapter.   
  
SakuraXHimura – For fear of being pounded to death with hate mail by Kaoru fans, I'm not going to comment on that. =P But I admit I like Tomoe more. Haha, and yea, Kenshin should get a job, and a life! But not in this fic, nope.  
  
yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds – thank you soo much for all that information. WoW! Hehe, thx for going through the trouble. Let's say, Yahiko's cancer was discovered before metamorphosis occurred and they are simply awaiting surgery.. or multiple surgeries. Yeaa... thxx 


	7. Dawn

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?

AN: K, it's summer! Gimme a break. =P At least I finally finished the chapter! I ThiNk the next chapter is the last, but I have this weird feeling that there will be a 9th chapter. Well, we'll see won't we? Enjoy

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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.

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As I Bloom

Winds of Fortune

Chapter 7

Perhaps you were ill or had an accident. My mind wandered aimlessly, lethargically. It was late, later than usual at least. You were not usually late and I found myself worrying. I didn't know what to do. Maybe you were avoiding me. Perhaps it was the conversation we had the previous day. Maybe you don't want to see me anymore. My hand closed tightly around the stems of the dozen white roses. Where are you?

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My eyes were red and puffy from crying, and I thought I must have looked terrible. Turning away from you, I tried in vain to cover my face. But you were too insensitive, too unaware of the female mind.

"What's wrong?" you asked, trying to carefully bring my face back towards you. I brushed your hand away impatiently.

"No, you idiot, my face just looks bad because it's all red and puffed up and I'll bet I look a mess."

Your hand reached for my face again. "I don't care," you said lightly, "and your face doesn't look bad, you look beautiful."

I wanted to laugh as I looked back into your warm violet eyes. "Thanks." No matter how corny and overused his statement was, it made my heart flutter all the same.

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The sky had begun to darken. The neon pink and purples lined each cloud and scattered their colors in a last attempt to stay. I hadn't really thought about it, but this would be the second year since I first met you. I remembered the time I first knew I loved you. I remembered the insecurities I felt. I remembered that beautiful feeling of longing. They were all coming back now, flooding into my memories. Where are you? I pleaded softly to the sky. The store clock read six twenty, an hour and twenty minutes after closing time. You were not normally this late.

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"There was a time, a long while ago, when you asked me what my occupation was." You said to me when I'd finally stopped crying. As we sat on a bench with the water fountain behind us, waiting for Aoshi and Misao, you spoke.

"It was a long time ago," I stated, "I asked many questions that were not my business."

My mouth said one thing, but my mind yearned for you to tell me all your secrets. I hated being kept in the dark.

"Ten months before I met you, my wife.. died." You began.

Your hands rested on your knees, clenching on tightly as though you were afraid to speak. I laid my hand over yours gently. "You don't have to tell me."

But you didn't really hear. Instead, you took a deep breath and went at it from another direction. "In a world of black and white, one could say that my past was as bleak as the darkest night. I worked in a yakuza, a mafia. When I ran away from my guardian, that was where I ran to. It was .. a different life than one I'd ever led before. There were things I saw, things I learned, that one could never experience elsewhere.

"I – I was sent to do the easy jobs at first. I was something like a delivery boy. But it was a dangerous job. Aoshi.. he pulled some strings, and got me to the top of the game by age 15. He'd always looked out for me, even before my time with the yakuza. I thought that by being in the yakuza, I was doing something with my life. That's what I wanted, a direction.

"That's where I met Tomoe, my wife."

Your voice was monotonous. You sounded like you were speaking through the pages of a journal yet to be written, like you'd been rehearsing yet unable to place all your thoughts in order. I didn't know what to say.

"She was actually an assignment. I was told to marry her but I ended up falling in love with her and her in me. When I met her, my life changed again. I suddenly wanted something different. I wanted a life where I wasn't ruled by men in black suits smoking cigars. I wanted a life where I didn't have to carry a gun with me everywhere, sit in sleek black Mercedes, and talk in code. I wanted out of the mafia, but I knew that that was asking too much.

"Once you're in the game, you're in for life. That's what Aoshi always told me."

------------------------

It was seven o'clock and still no sign of you. There wasn't a glimpse of red hair anywhere. The sky had already darkened. My hands shook as I locked up my store, still cradling the not so fresh white roses in my arms. Were you not coming? I stood outside the shop, leaning my head against the glass door with the white "closed" sign up. I wanted to find you, and give you the roses. I wanted to go home and cry. I wanted to call my friends and confide in them. And I wanted to be here when you came, because some small part of me refused to believe that you won't come for your roses. How could it be? You had been here every single day for the past two years.

"Rain or shine, all major holidays included-" I said to myself. I didn't realize how big a part of my life you had become.

And of course, someone you saw everyday must impact you in some way. But it wasn't just that. You had become something constant in my life. You gave me support in your own way. Seeing you at my shop daily let me move on through life.

And plus you made me fall in love with you.

I groaned and slid down to the ground, leaning my back against my flower shop. Why had I fallen in love with you of all people? A smile played across my lips as I touched the velvet petals of a white bud. I knew why.

It was because you were you, and that was all that mattered.

I didn't care about your past, about your wife, about what happened. All I cared about was here and now.

Kenshin, if I have to wait a lifetime, I would sit here and wait for you to come.

-----------------------

Your eyes were a deep violet, tinged with gold, as you gazed into my own. "Do you understand, Kaoru?" Your voice pleaded softly. "I was.. a horrible person in the past."

My mind was still slowly processing what I had heard. You, Kenshin, had been in the mafia. Aoshi, too. "I – I guess it's nothing. Right?" I laughed uncertainly. "I mean, it's not as though you've killed anyone."

Your unwavering gaze began to unnerve me as the silence stretched on.

"Have you?" I ventured to ask in a small voice.

"Sometimes some things just have to be done whether you like it or not."

"And now? Are you okay now? I mean.. like.. free from the mafia? There's.. no one hunting you down or anything?"

"No one but my conscience."

I breathed better. "Then, Kenshin, I don't see why you needed to tell me."

Your eyes were confused. "I wanted you to understand me. I wanted you to see the real me before .."

You let your sentence trail off into nothingness. The trickling of water behind us continued it's steady soothing symphony.

No ties, no indication of what this would mean. I didn't understand. Where do I lie in your future?

You were watching me, as usual, with that penetrating gaze that made me a tad uncomfortable. I brushed my hair from my face, looking for something to do with my hands. "I understand that .. you're a man with your own past. I understand that you want more than anything to pay for what you have done." I looked at you now, letting you understand how I felt. "I understand that regret, pain, and guilt are keeping you from me."

A barrier was erected long before I even met you. It was a barrier between us that I can't even hope to break down.

I understood that I can't have you.

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The night was drawing out long and dark. It was cold, and in my flimsy clothing, I could only huddle there and shiver. Midnight, it was. The streetlamps were bright enough, and I had long ago adjusted to the darkness. I could only pray that no psycho comes ambling my way this dreary night.

Kenshin, you stupid stupid man. I admonished quietly in my head. Why must you hurt me?

"You promised me that there was room enough for me in your heart."

If so, then why aren't you here with me?

---------------------------

"Kaoru," you murmured, regrettably. "I like you very much, and I can't imagine living without you. But there's a part of me I haven't learned to let go of yet."

"And me? Where do I fit in all this? Because no matter how much I try to tell you that I don't care about your past, you can't stop living in it."

The doors to the theater opened and a wave of movie goers began to poor out. Misao and Aoshi's movie was probably over now.

You took my hand in yours. "I promise you, love, that as I deal with this monster of my past, you will be a part of my life."

I shook my head lightly. There was so much going on all at once. "I don't – I want to help you. We'll deal with it together." My sapphire eyes lit up excitedly. "I'll help you. Okay, Kenshin? Let me help you, please."

Please – I don't want to lose you.

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It was close to dawn. The skies were lightening. My mind was as blank as a starless night, calm.

"I don't want to lose you." I whimpered into the silence.

And through that silence, I heard the slow footsteps, uncertain but steady, slowly making their way towards me.

As I raised my head from my knees, the silent tears fell.

:End Chapter 7:

AN: Sorry this took so long! Y'kno how it is, summer and all.

8.19.04


	8. Part I

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?

AN: I realize this took a very long time to update. I do apologize to everyone who so patiently waited for me to complete this story. And to all those people who spent the time to email me or review multiple times to tell me to hurry, this chapter is for you guys. I wrote this chapter bit by bit, each time I got an email saying "when are you going to update???" I would find the motivation to write a bit more. Thank you all for remaining faithful readers. I've tried numerous times to complete this chapter but have not found the heart to do so. Maybe it's because this story is my baby ( and I can't see myself putting it away forever. But whatever the case, it's just soo hard to finish! So this is the first half of the last chapter.

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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.

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As I Bloom Winds of Fortune

Chapter 8 – part 1

Your eyes glistened with tears, staring at me with all the anguish, frustration, and relief shining through. No matter how bad I felt before, I now felt ten times worse. But walking to you through the soft mist, I could only stop a feet away from you and slide to the ground. In the dead of the waning night, I sat with you.

I wanted to hold you, to brush away your tears and calm your fears, but I was not worthy to touch you.

I never expected you to be here.

For a long time, you did not make a noise except for the occasional sniff. Your tears splashed over your cheeks one after the other, no pause, a constant stream of salty drops.

You weren't supposed to be here. I never thought – never imagined that you would wait for me for so long.

Neither of us moved for an infinity of time. Slowly, you handed me the white roses, their petals unfurled in a half bloom. It was as though something in the silence broke, shattered. "Oh Kaoru," I murmured, reaching towards you, curling you into my arms. I let you cry into my shoulder, as we crouched there on the floor, the roses lay ignored, but not forgotten, on the side.

-------------------- Flashback

Her smile was something not often seen. It wasn't something that I missed, however. It was a reward given to me if I did something to please her. I was content with her mere presence. Her beautiful porcelain face did not need a smile to decorate it.

"Do you need help?" She spoke softly always. I watched her fingers pluck at flowers, arranging them in a vase. She watched as I attempted to fix the leaking pipe beneath the sink.

"No," I responded, as always in an emotionless voice. We rarely showed our feelings, and it amazed me to know she loved me as I did her. We were in harmony with one another, with nothing expressed but everything implied.

Together, in that room together, Tomoe and I remain in the sanctuary of my mind.

----------------

"I couldn't come," I said after a long while, "do you understand?"

You nodded. "I know. I know, Kenshin, I've had the past few hours to think about it. And I did, I thought about it a lot, even though I didn't want to. A small part of me knew you wouldn't come but I couldn't, couldn't leave. I thought.. you had to come. Because you were Kenshin, and you did come."

Your stumbling words made complete sense to me for some reason. "Will you come with me now?"

"Where?"

I blinked into the pale mist of pre-dawn. "To visit Tomoe's grave."

---------------- Flashback

At some point in my life, I did laugh, though I never could recall a time when Tomoe and I told light jokes to one another. Where we lived, we could not afford to let our façade slip.

"Do you know," she asked me once, "that I love looking at you?"

She smiled, gently reaching a hand out to touch my hair. I grasped her hand in mine and smiled back. "And I you."

But at some point in my life, I realized my heart was bursting with all the love I felt for her.

----------------

Death. The place reeked of it. I had not noticed much before, but as I led you to the grave, I felt it, the presence of the dead. "You don't have to show me," you had said, but I knew that I must. Even if it was just a small chip, I wanted to show you a piece of my heart, to show you where I was coming from. But at the same time, I wanted to set it free.

The grave was plain, a simple slab of rock, with the words engraved there, etched there as clearly as I saw it in my mind all these years. Where vegetation normally grew over old tombstones, there was none. Between the care provided by me and her brother, my wife's grave was clean, clear.

"My wife." I say, a piercing sound in the silence.

You place the roses at the foot of the tomb. Carefully brushing your hair back from your face, you knelt. To my amazement, you knelt before the one thing keeping me from you and bowed. "Tomoe," you said, "I feel as though I've known you forever. Maybe it was all those times I felt your presence, your influence. You were always there, always there when I wasn't. Even in death, you have a hold on him."

I stood in quiet detachment a few feet behind you as you spoke to my wife's grave, to my past.

"We've both had the.. misfortune of falling in love with the same man. He's a hard man to love, isn't he? So uncertain, so different, so closed up upon himself. But I love him. I love him even if he has a past he regrets, even if he made mistakes in his life."

I place a hand on your shoulder, but I don't know if you even felt it for you did not acknowledge it. The words had begun to pour from you mouth and you were speaking woman to woman to a being that was not here, to the barrier that was erected around me, willing it to break down.

"Whatever it is that happened to him in the past…"

A few drops of tears splashed off your face.

"Tomoe, please, let him go. Give him to me; let me take care of him. Please.. just set him free."

-------------------- Flashback

She knew. Some small part of me could tell, although she never voiced her knowledge. Always, in each other's presence, we kept our eyes hooded, our lips sealed.

My hand brushed her hair in a soft gesture of love. I did not have to explain myself.

"Kenshin," she murmured to me, "whatever comes to pass.. I don't blame you."

She knew that at some point one of us will have to die at the other's hand.

--------------------

We were like ghosts hidden in the film of morning dew, kneeling in the dark graveyard.

"She was beautiful?"

"Yes."

"Was she good and generous and kind and loving?"

"Always."

"And was she perfect?"

"In every possible way," I answered.

You paused before asking me, "Will I ever be perfect?"

"To me, you already are."

------------------------- Flashback

My lavish apartment felt like a void to me. I paced back and forth, lounged on the sofa, then springing back to my feet I pounded my steps into the carpet. I was restless beyond belief, my own feet were telling me I was supposed to be somewhere. They practically screamed at me, "What are you still doing here? She's waiting!"

But I can't go. On one hand, I suffer the guilt of loving another after my wife has died. On the other, I fear your confrontation. I did not tell you everything about my past.

"You know," Shinomori said suddenly. I stopped my pacing to turn to him expectantly. "You weren't Tomoe's first love."

My mind stopped. All this time I spent worrying about her… I had forgotten.

Tomoe loved me with all her heart.

Even though I killed her fiancé, she managed to love me.

I sank to the floor in silence. It was true, she fell in love again. Maybe she was filled with guilt as I am now, but she did everything in her power to ensure a strong relationship. I never even suspected that her fiancé had died by my hand.

Was this what a relationship is about?

Have I been selfish?

"She would have wanted you to move on." Shinomori advised again.

I put my head in my hands. "But I owe her so much. I killed her, Shinomori. With my own hands – I first ruined her life, and then took it from her."

"She would not blame you."

In the deepest corner of my mind, the words echoed. The softest whisper of a voice, the ghost of a sound. I don't blame you, she had said.

Shinomori got up to leave. "I don't think there's anything I can do for you. Just get some rest, Himura. Sometimes, you think too much."

I smiled in gratitude to my old friend. "Perhaps I do."

Before she died she said to remember that I – what?

That I love her? That I am indebted to her?

... That I am not at fault for what happened?

------------------------

"Kaoru, there is something more that I need to tell you. I have not explained how my wife died, and I feel.. this is the sole reason I –" I broke off in confusion, unable to express my thoughts to you.

You sat patiently beside me, waiting for me to continue, your sapphire eyes blinking with quiet understanding.

"I killed my wife."

I held my breath as I uttered the words, fearful of your reaction. I did not even try to soften the blow.

Your eyes searched mine for a moment, shocked and saddened. But not afraid. You did not fear this side of me. For me, that was all I was looking for, all I needed.

"Why?" You asked simply. "What happened?"

And I told you.

:End part 1:

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AN:  there probably won't be much left for me to write. Bear in mind, this chapter is not over yet! I just need to write it but didn't want ppl to wait forever. Hope you liked it.


	9. Finis

Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?

AN: Forgive me for the long wait. This is the last chapter. I could not bring myself to write it and I fear I don't do it justice. I'll probably go back and edit it later, but I wanted to finish it for all of you who read and reviewed my story. Thank you for your support throughout. I love you guys ).

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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.

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As I Bloom Winds of Fortune

Chapter 8 – part 2

I told you all about all the secrets I had. Words rushed from my mouth. I told you about Tomoe, about her fiancée, about my first job. I told you the horror I felt as I held the oddly comfortable handle of an ancient murder weapon. I told you about Shinomori, about my master and guardian, about my lush apartment and where my money came from. It helped to have friends in higher places.

"I bring misery where I go," I tried to explain to you, tried desperately to make you understand why I continually pushed you away. "All that I have touched has been turned to dust. I have brought ruin upon the most beautiful of souls. Kaoru, do you see? I will bring you nothing but pain."

I don't want to hurt you because you were too good for me.

You're lashes lowered, you remained silent.

"Kaoru," I inquired carefully. I didn't want to hurt or offend you.

"Do you not love me, Kenshin?"

You're voice was clear, confusion ringing in its tones. It was matter-of-fact, no uncertainty, no wavering of your self-esteem. Tears were forgotten.

My mind drew a blank. It was a silly question to ask, was it not? Of course I love you. Did I not make it obvious enough? I meant to protect you and yet it seemed that whatever I said hurt you.

"I do love you," I answered incredulously. Of course I love you, my mind repeated.

"Do you love me as much as you loved Tomoe?"

A trick question, I knew. My mind whispered its precautions, but my heart knew the answer. I drew your face toward me, my fingers resting on your chin. You were so beautiful; despite the red tinge from all the tears you shed this fateful morning. You were your own person, I could see that. Never in the time that I knew you did I mistake you for Tomoe. Only once when I first met you, and perhaps at that time, I was simply led to your shop. I knew what I had to say.

"My love for you cannot be compared to my love for Tomoe. How can I compare two things that are so different? I love you in a completely different way than I loved Tomoe."

It was the right answer. You smiled, and reached up to hold my hand. In this surreal setting, sitting in a graveyard as the sun rose, you smiled your beautiful smile at me. "Then it does not matter who you killed and who you've wronged," you said to me. "That you could share your past with me was all I asked. And if you love me, you cannot sacrifice this love for fear of pain. I am willing to take this risk. Are you?"

-------------------- flashback

"Are we hopeless, Tomoe?" I cradled her in my arms, softly as though she were delicate china that the world could break so easily.

Her breathe against my cheek tickled and I could only hold her to me more tightly. I could not imagine the day when I should lose her.

"Kenshin," she murmured against my skin, "some things, you cannot think so much about. The future is forever ambiguous. Live and love while you can, don't go searching for your own doom."

But this fear in my heart pounded strong against my ribcage. How could I endure the guilt and pain, should I lose her?

----------------------- end flashback

I shook my head, uncertain. I had already lost someone I could not replace. How can I stand to lose another?

The sun had begun rising, coloring the sky with its rays.

"We have both gone through a lot together. It isn't possible to go back anymore, Kenshin," Kaoru said, taking my hand in hers. "You stand at a crossroad where you can neither go back nor go forward. You have to choose. Time does not stand still, and I cannot wait forever."

Can I stand to lose you too?

I could see the blood stains still on my hands and clothes. Tomoe still lay at my feet.

And then seconds later, they were gone, replaced by you.

I could not think.

My heart beat loudly against my ears, crying its choice, screaming it's fury at my mind. Of course I must be with you, I cannot imagine living without you. But logic told me that I would only ruin you as Enishi always said I ruined Tomoe.

"Kaoru," I began, but could not go on.

Slowly, you wrapped me in your embrace. As I stood stock still, warmly breathing in your smell, I knew that it was inevitable. I had only delayed something I could never have stopped.

My immobile arms moved to their own accord, returning your embrace, desperately holding you against me as my chin sank to your shoulder.

I cannot say no.

-------------------------- flashback

The smell of Tomoe's cooking made me walk faster as my feet pounded the pavement to our house. My smile refused to go away.

She held the door open for me as I came in, helping me out of my heavy winter coat.

"Tomoe," I say to her as I slip out of my shoes, "I'm home."

-------------------------- end flashback

I knelt before Tomoe's grave, trying to feel her with every fiber of my being. You were waiting for me, having granted me the privacy to speak with my late wife.

All that I had wanted to say fled my mind as I knelt on the cold earth. Words did not form. My mind was clear and blissful, and I knew somehow that I didn't have to feel the guilt of Tomoe's death. What happened was already done, and I had done my time in grievance. While Tomoe will remain with my forever, a gaping whole in my heart, I will cherish you just as much. I kissed the cold stone of her grave, and silently left her in peace.

Far up ahead, I could see you on the path we had come from, turning towards me with a beckoning hand. Like a child who was momentarily lost, I ran to catch up, arm stretched toward you to take your hand in mine.

The smile on your face said what I didn't have to.

Whatever may come in the future, I do not know, but as Tomoe had done, I would live for this moment.

This moment with Kaoru.

:Finis:

AN: I'm so thankful for all the readers who have kept faithful to my story. May you enjoy this ending as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you all.

11.30.05


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